The movie Love Happens starts with a very interesting slogan, “When life gives you Lemons, make Lemonades”. It’s telling you to look at the bright side, and take the positive out of every situation.
Well, life as we all know it is not that simple, nor that easy. Sometimes hearing such a proverb makes you angry and even furious because you know that life is not always fluffy and full of butterflies and rainbows.
Talking about rough times, it is easier to be depressed and sad, and blaming life’s problems on your parents, your siblings, or your boyfriend; on luck, destiny whatever you believe in… People need someone to blame, and when this someone is present, it makes them feel better and more secure.
It’s easier to say that you are depressed, and not do anything about it, rather than to do the best out of every situation.
Being positive requires energy; it requires a certain attitude, a positive attitude, a happy attitude.
To wake up, and decide that today is a happy day, regardless all your problems and worries, is a wonderful thing.
Being positive requires hard work; it is harder than being depressed. Being depressed is just sitting there and blaming it on the others; while being positive on the other side means that you know that life is not easy, and still you are making the best out of it.
Well how to make the best out of life?
Below are some pin-points that will guide you through starting a positive attitude:
Below is a detailed Eight Phase Plan that will help you make the best of every situation in just 35 days that is, if you put your mind into it.
Each phase that will be discussed, has a duration, but keep in mind that each person learns in a different pace, and his pace is what reflects his own learning.
Phase One: The Decision
The duration of this phase depends on each person; some people take a minute to take such a decision while with others it may take a week. Please note that the general healing time starts after the decision is made.
It all starts with a decision, and it’s the basis of all your work, if you do not take this decision, don’t bother and continue with the rest of the steps. This decision, is simple it’s agreeing to wake up every morning willing to work hard to become more positive and to try as much as possible to make things better.
Phase Two: Starting Nice and Slow
The duration of this phase is usually four days.
Make a list of your friends that are depressed, negative, and keep on nagging. Go talk to them, tell them that you are currently working on your personal development, and that you are trying to be more positive, and ask them to support you, and to reduce the negative talks. You cannot tell them to stop nagging, but once you inform them about your new plan, every time they start to nag, you can politely ask them to change the subject. At least you now have a valid reason to make them stop their non-stop talking.
If step two fails, follow step 3.
Phase Three: The Elimination Phase
The duration of this phase is usually 7 days. Please note that if Phase two is successful, no need to pass by phase three.
Filter your circle of friends, and eliminate all the ones that are depressed, negative, and keep on nagging. This process is not easy, sometimes you end up eliminating all your friends, well if talking to them (in step 2) didn’t work, some serious action needs to be done. Because, deep down inside, they are one of the causes that is not letting you move on, and be positive. By eliminating, I do not mean to stop talking to them and to change your phone number, I mean that you should reduce your outings with those people, reduce phone calls, reduce all sort of contact in which they can nag about their life, and make you feel more depressed.
Phase Four: The Source of Negativity
The duration of this phase is usually 6 days, and you will need a notepad, and a pen. A PC is an option.
After taking the decision, and after eliminating all sources of bad relationships, take a moment and jot down all the things that are making you feel bad. Let your mind wonder from the smallest things like a bad movie you have watched to the hugest things like a family member’s death or a recent divorce. Writing the things that are making your feel bad will first of all help you recognize them – since there are many things that make you feel bad, but you assume that they are so tiny that they are not worth mentioning, while in the end, they are all adding up.
Phase Five: The Question
The duration on this phase is usually 10 days, but in certain phases it may take more time depending on the severity of the problem.
After identifying the sources of your negative attitude, your sadness – you may call your condition the name you want – you can now take another step in trying to solve them. In this step, you need to determine the reasons behind each point. Why did this movie make you feel bad? Or why did your marriage end up in a divorce. This might sound very silly, and you will say, what! It’s not my fault; he left me… bla bla…
Think of the reasons why he left, think deeply, there is no fire without fumes. You might find reasons that will surprise you… In this phase, you will ask yourself a question, and by the end of the phase you need to find the answer- or else you will stay in this phase forever – those are the things that we call unfinished business, it’s staying in phase five all your life.
No matter what the reasons behind each source of negativity in your life are, jot them down, then write a related question to each topic, and then start writing possible solutions. You might open an excel sheet, or a document on your pc to better delete and keep track of the reasons. Do whatever it takes, but please just write them down.
Please note that this phase is not you sitting one night, and writing the reasons down. It’s constantly thinking of the questions and trying to answer them, that’s why I say keep a notepad with you. Ask, and jot down answers.
Phase Six: The Analysis
The duration of this phase is 5 days.
Well, by now, you have the source of your negativity or sadness, you have asked yourself the why questions, and you have assembled several answers for your questions. Here comes the analysis, this phase is similar to any data analysis. You have your answers, so start analyzing them. If one of the answers to “why did he leave me” is “I wasn’t giving him the attention he needed”, then understand that men are like children and you need to take good care of them. If the answer to “why did he leave you” is “I bore him”, then understand that men are human beings, and human beings get bored…
Phase Seven: The Recommendations
The duration of this phase is 3 days.
After analyzing your results, you need to come up with a list of recommendations.
For example: from now on, I need to give more attention to the new man in my life, and I need to be a little more interesting. After coming up with a set of recommendations, you now know what the problem is, you are not angry anymore at life and everyone around you.
You can now happily start working on different aspects of your personal development.
Phase Eight: The Personal Development
The duration of this phase is a lifetime, life is a school, and we keep on learning till our last breaths.
After having the list of recommendations in our hand we can now categories the aspects that we need to work on ourselves. The categories are different for different people, and for different problems. After having the categories, you can now decide to read a book, visit professional help – psychiatry, consult an expert…
Let your mind drift in this phase, since the more creative you are, the more interesting your personal development is. Why not attend seminars? There are a lot of know professional Gurus that can help you in almost everything.