I was reading a blog post from my friend’s blog called “Inno Leh” (but Why in English). Inno Leh is a blog that discusses several life situation that each and every Lebanese person faces while living in Lebanon. Inno Leh is written in the Lebanese spoken language which reflects the reality and atmosphere of the issue at hand, and definitely the writer’s tone.
Anyway, the reason I am mentioning this because the writer Fadi wrote a post (Shi b bakki) about meeting people and how you directly like some of them, while some you don’t. This post inspired me to write a post about winning argument.
Let’s start by an argument where two people are both arguing about an idea and each is trying to win the other.
Imagine how the situation is in that second. Imagine how no one is listening to the other… You are with me in my thread of thought.
So now let’s start from the beginning and let me tell you what you can do to win an argument:
1. Posture: it all starts with posture! It really does. You will read more about posture and body language in my future posts, but remember posture is everything! Start by having a good posture in every second of your day. This will help you in wining people, plus it has many many other benefits. When you have a good posture, you are confident, and you are certain. People around you feel your assurance, and will feel safe and secure. I am saying this because I personally have learnt that people want assurance, they want to know that you know.
2. Listen: Listening is also one of the most vital things I have learnt. If you do not listen you would be living half a life. Seriously half one, not a full life. Listen to people, everybody wants to vent out, we all have things we want to say. People might be frustrated, they might be angry… just listen.
3. Give your opinion: after really really listening, you can now give your opinion. You definitely will be interrupted.
4. Listen again: it’s okay to let people vent out, just listen to them. Be confident about your opinion, and do not have the urge to just say it and remove the other.
5. Agree: You have to agree with what the person is saying. When you agree with them, they feel happy, they feel relaxed, they feel that finally someone is listening and agreeing with them. You have calmed them down this way, plus you now prepared them to hear you.
6. But: here comes the word that takes you where you want. “I agree to your idea, but…” After calming down, they can now hear your opinion.
7. Give example: never argue without having a backup example, and references if any.
8. Work your magic: Your opponent should by now be shifted to an inclination towards your idea; well at least he listened to you… Here is where you can work your magic and do the final steps.
9. Remember: it’s okay if people have different opinions. Remember, everyone has a different reality, separate realities.
Try it today, try it at work, try it with your friends… it will feel like magic!
Remember, you have to listen!